Every new start is difficult

I sat on the floor with my back against the windowpane, feeling the warmth of the sun wash over me. It was mid-morning, and all was quiet. Two dogs were sprawled out dozing in front of me. I closed my eyes and joined them for a delicious short nap.

When I woke some minutes later, I gazed around sleepily, enjoying the strange sensation of having nothing to do. I was dog sitting in my townhouse in Canberra where my daughter currently lives. It will eventually become my place of residence, but for now, I am a visitor. Unlike back home, there is nothing that beckons to be done.

I began thinking about what life will be like living there. The nature reserve across the road is inviting as is the café which is a short stroll. What else? Sure, I could list the many attractions of living in a city again – the galleries, bookshops, markets, and events I could attend, but it all seemed rather undefined. While these are pleasant outings, they won’t define my life.

These concerns took me back to my first few months in Sydney. I was twenty-eight, hardly knew a soul in the city and was looking for work. I moved into a share-house with a young couple and spent days looking over the rooftops of Glebe. Frangipanis were blooming and scented the streets. Everything was verdant, fresh, and perfumed, a complete change to the European Plane trees of Melbourne. I spent hours sitting in my room, reading, and looking out onto an as yet undiscovered city.

Waiting for the phone to ring after applying for jobs meant I couldn’t leave the house. Mobile phones may already have been invented, but they were only accessible to well to do business types. I had only ever seen them in movies. Our phone was still the corded variety stationed in the hallway and I prayed for it to ring.  Lonely and bored, my days stretched out ahead without purpose. I was lost. These feelings were completely at odds with the life I had led in Melbourne. There, I had been busy studying, involved in university life and I had friends that reached back to my childhood. What had I done? As I sat on the floor feeling sorry for myself, a thought came upon me. Up until then, I had always been busy. Too busy in fact. I finally had a moment to stop and evaluate where I wanted my life to go. Given time, I would make new friends, get involved in the community and be busy again. I would look back on this time of inactivity and marvel at the opportunity it had afforded me. And as it turned out, that is exactly what happened. Within a year I had a group of friends, a job and social commitments galore. I longed for the days when I had nothing to do but look out the window…

My move to Canberra will follow a similar trajectory. Every new start is difficult. It will take time to find my tribe. This time, I have a job lined up which will make it all the easier. Within a year I will be bumping into friends, going out to dinner or concerts and I will reminisce over the time when I had nothing to do but sit with back against the windowpane and feel the warmth of the sun.